Going back to school has been an enlightening experience. It's really a great way for me to measure the leaps and bounds my personality has made, and my maturity level. I'm not trying to brag, I'm trying to emphasize how incredibly immature and short-sighted I was. I think back to how I approached college when I was 18, and going to BYU, and I feel a little sick to my stomach at how I wasted that opportunity. I did not appreciate it for what it was.
Now I'm back in school, 7 years later, to finish what I started. For the first time, I look forward to going to class. I have not missed a class, and don't plan on missing one... I don't care if I'm spiking a fever of 103, I will be in class. I feel a thirst for knowledge, a strong feeling of elation when I learn something new, and a distaste for the people around me bragging about getting drunk all weekend and making bad grades on the test because of it. I want to scream at them, and shake them, and warn them about the consequences of not taking school seriously.
I am lucky to be able to go back to school and finish. Most people don't have that chance once they get married and take on adult responsibilities. I have vowed to myself that I will not only pass all of my classes, but I will make A's if I can. So far, I have taken exams in 3 classes, and gotten a 92, 94, and 98 on these exams. So far, so good. I made a B on my first biology quiz and almost went into a depression... but I made up for it yesterday. After acing 2 exams, I made a 100 on my 2nd biology quiz. I feel amazing about my progress.
Meanwhile, work is busy. If I'm not at school, I'm training clients until all hours of the evening. I wake up at 4:30, and I don't usually get home until 7 or 8, which gives me about 30-60 minutes before I have to start getting ready for bed. I'm exhausted, and I am stressed... but I will not fail. I will do what I have to do, to get what I want.
I finally feel proud of myself. I feel like I am doing something good... for ME... but also for my family. I want to make sure that Jeff and I never have to ask for help, or take a handout. In fact, I hope we are so well off we can help others. I want to be financially independent, in case I ever need to be the sole provider. Mostly, though, I want to reach my full potential. For the first time in my life, I feel confident that I am intelligent... but more-so, I am becoming knowledgeable. There is nothing more precious in life, than continuing to learn and grow... stagnation is death to my soul.
I guess the point of this post is to let you all know that right now, life may be hard, but it is a very big step for me in my own personal growth and development as a person. I am stressed, and I am stretched thin, but ultimately I am satisfied with my choices at the moment. I hope you all have the strength to chase what you want, and to go after it even if it's really difficult. Hard work reaps big rewards.
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Katie- You probably didn't even know that I've been reading your blog, for a while now too! I think I discovered it through facebook? I never really comment, but I sure do love reading what you write! After this post, I just had to finally say something! I remember visiting you many years ago one weekend at BYU. I stayed with you in your dorm room with those beds that were on stilts or so it seemed. I've gathered bits and pieces over the years of where life took you and I'm so proud of you for what you are doing! It is definitely not easy, but you've hit it right on! I'm so excited for you and what the future holds! Look out world!! Anyways, just wanted you to know that I'm still here and I love reading up on how life is treating you! Thanks for the inspiring words! I reminisce from time to time about those good old days and the crazy fun we used to have!! You're still rockin' it!! Miss ya!!
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