37 Weeks

Here I am at 37 weeks. Don't mind the horrifyingly ugly maternity shirt I'm wearing... it's one of the few that still fits over my ginormous bump. I think it's officially been upgraded from "bump" to "mountain."

Today was a good day. I interviewed a Pediatrician I had found through Yelp reviews, and sure enough he was great. He and I agree on a lot, and he gave me some great advice on some of the after birth care things I had questions about, possibly saving me from making a stupid decision by choosing the oral Vit K over the shot. I'm going to go ahead and allow them to do the shot now that I know that the oral vitamin K isn't effective enough to do the job.

I'm glad to have that off my check list. I don't have much left. I still need to get a diaper bag, order the bookshelf/changing station (I got this idea from Pinterest I'll blog about it when it's finished), and finish just a few things here and there like installing the car seat.

Now that I'm 37 weeks, the baby is considered Full Term!!! That means my water is free to break, and the baby is welcome from here on out. I am so relieved. I no longer have to worry she'll come early, I can actually enjoy these last few weeks, enjoy her kicking, and hope (deep down) that she comes before my stretch marks get any worse or I lose the ability to reach around my belly.

Tomorrow I go in for my 37 week check up and then my final hypnobirthing session, the one where I go by myself and get my final hypnosis. I don't know, this may be TMI, but after last night I'm starting to second guess my ability to handle birthing without help... 

See, I got a little sick cause I haven't been minding my food allergies, and I spent some unpleasant (to say the least) moments paying for my food related sins, and going through hot and cold sweats on the porcelain throne. My hypno-coach told me to try to use toilet time to practice my breathing, and I tried... but it helped me about 0%. So last night was kind of one of those epiphany moments where you start thinking maybe you've been naive and blind thinking you could handle child birth without drugs when you really kinda want to off yourself over some brief but intense intestinal agony.

Seriously. Have you ever been really sick and started making bargains with God? For me it often goes like this.. I start by telling God that if he will just make the pain stop, I will be better, I'll go to church more, or start praying again. Whatever it may be. Then when the pain doesn't stop, and I have been in agony for more than 5 minutes, I might get desperate enough to start making some serious promises. Like the kind of promises you know you probably won't keep but you really should keep... and then after about 20 to 30 minutes it gets really serious. I have found myself telling God that if it's my time, maybe he should just take me now because I cannot handle the pain and agony any longer. It's usually at this point that things settle down and I feel mighty silly for the mental bargaining and bemoaning, but that doesn't mean that in the moment, I wasn't totally serious about sort of being ready to die rather than feel the pain much longer.

It's this cycle that concerns me about giving birth. But I am not giving up on the hope that my IBS is totally unlike birth, and since it comes in surges and I will have breaks, I may be able to handle it drug free. Here's hoping.

Anyway, I know I still have 3 weeks and it's best for the baby to stay in until 39 weeks, but deep down I would really love it if she could come sooner. I am just so anxious to meet this girl, and I am trying desperately not to obsess over every Braxton Hicks or twinge wondering if it's a sign that labor is on it's way. I even wake up at like 3 in the morning thinking, what if my water broke right now? Wouldn't that be great? And then trying to imagine what I would do, what I would pack, how we would work it all out.  It's ridiculous. I cannot predict when Sonja will choose to join us on the outside, but I cannot wait! This is the best Christmas present in the world!