I cannot believe my beloved baby is already 10 months old.. only 2 months left until she's a year old! I just... I'm not ready.
So today I decided to write my blog in the form of a letter to my daughter.
Dear Sonja,
You are the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me. I truly did not know what real love was before you. At least not the love of a mother. Before you came along, I was a lot more selfish, I was focused on myself and my wants and needs. Now, I focus on you. You give my life a lot of meaning.
You have gotten so big! You are really cruising now, crawling with a vengeance, and walking with help. You also like to pull up to standing on all sorts of things, and this has created more anxiety in me than before. You've taken a few tumbles, gotten a few bruises (really just one, from falling off a step face first), and you've started really growing in personality.
I can tell already that you are an independent person. You like to do things yourself, and get mad at me when I try to do them for you. You hate it if I won't do what you want when you want it. You have thrown a few tantrums because you wanted me to hold my fingers out so we could walk together, and I wanted you to walk only holding onto one finger so you could get better on your own. You throw yourself on the floor by arching your back head first toward the ground and stomp your feet. The first time you did it I was so stunned I just stared at you and you looked up at me and thought my face was hilarious and went from screaming to laughing. You are kind of a punk.
You are more cuddly than you used to be. You like hugs and kisses, and you snuggle in to Mommy especially around new people. That makes me really happy. Nothing is better to me than snuggles from my baby girl.
Currently, diaper changes are a challenge. You hate being still for so long, and the only thing I have found that works is putting on the nickelodeon jr. channel and letting you watch TV while I change you. You also hate getting dressed, I think because it's too much of me manipulating your body, but man we have had some struggles with this... usually you end up pantless by the end of the day because I don't want to fight you on it.
I love your laugh and your beautiful toothy smile. You love to play on the piano, and sing while you play sometimes which is so cute, and you also love exploring outside. You walk me to the door and wait for me to open it very patiently. You love to look at leafs, flowers, the pumpkins Nana has on the front porch, and are very intrigued by new surfaces. You don't like grass very much, though.
You seem to have a lot going on in your head. Everyone says that about you. They say things like "this one's a real thinker." You don't hand out smiles to just anyone, but that makes it more rewarding when you do. And you smile at me all the time, so I feel special. I love watching your mind work. I realized the other day that you were anticipating going up the steps and raising your foot too early. That made me laugh. It also shows that you're capable of thinking through your next few movements, so you're not just mindlessly walking around, you're thinking about where your feet are going and what to do with them. Waiting at the door for me to open it is another sign that you understand the order of things and are learning patience.
You've got more hair now. I loved dressing you up as Princess Aurora for Halloween. I also loved seeing Daddy and Fruncle Chris in their Flora and Fauna outfits. We had a fun time for halloween. You went to the Trunk-or-Treat at the Calderwood's church, and knocked on about 3 doors for trick-or-treating before we felt too silly to keep knocking, and it was really late.
You are able to say "Dog" and when you see dogs you say it, it's very cool. You also love the cats still, and I'm trying to teach you how to be gentle. You love the water and enjoy baths and showers. You also are doing a great job of feeding yourself. I feed you usually 3 times a day and give you things like organic toddler meals, quinoa and broccoli, egg yolks, fruit (especially berries), puffs, "cookies" for babies, and bites of whatever we are eating. You love larger chunks of food so you can feed yourself, and you LOVE to make a mess!
You are doing better with stranger anxiety than you used to. You still usually don't like men with beards, or men with deeper voices, but you love black men. Every single one you meet, you smile huge and give them a lot of attention. You also love good looking younger men of any ethnicity. You flirted with your Uncle Nick, but you also have flirted with a few men like the guy at the True Religion store. It's hilarious. You give them these big smiles and then you bury your face in my chest and then immediately look again to see if they are still smiling at you. I mean, I really need to video it because it makes me laugh so hard. You are also handling going to the child care center at the gym a lot better, and seem to enjoy it. In fact, the days we don't go you seem to be in a worse mood.
You currently enjoy 3 tv shows more than the rest, Dora the Explorer, Yo Gabba Gabba, and most of all Bubble Guppies. I think it's because Bubble Guppies has so much music in it, and so does Yo Gabba Gabba. You love music. I always sing and play music to you in the car because it keeps you from getting mad at me for taking too long to drive places.
You now only take 1-2 naps per day, usually 1 in the early afternoon and one in the late afternoon. You take almost all of your naps in your crib or in the car seat during drives.
You love your hands. You love to shove your hands in my mouth, hit me in the face with them, you love to stare at them, you love to do lots of things with your hands. You also love your feet. You like to try playing piano with them. You love it if we touch your face with your feet. You love to kick things when we walk together. You like to stomp on random things or try climbing them, even if they aren't climbable (like pumpkins).
Watching you grow and learn is priceless to me, and all possible because Daddy makes all the money and lets me stay home with you. I love having you in my life and spending my days with you. It is hard work, and can be exhausting, but ultimately, you make it fun and you make me happy. I don't enjoy being without you.
You are beautiful, you are smart, and I am so proud of you for learning and growing and being such a joy to be around. I hope your curiosity for life, your excitement to learn and try new things, and your sense of adventure stay with you all of your life.
I do not like the idea of you not being a baby for much longer, but I love the idea of seeing what you're like as a toddler, as a kid, a teen, and eventually as an adult. I promise to try my best to improve myself as your mommy, to be the best mommy I can be for you, and to take care of you. You are my precious daughter. I love you so much.
Love,
Mommy
