Saturday, September 17, 2011

College... Round 2

Going back to school has been an enlightening experience.  It's really a great way for me to measure the leaps and bounds my personality has made, and my maturity level.  I'm not trying to brag, I'm trying to emphasize how incredibly immature and short-sighted I was.  I think back to how I approached college when I was 18, and going to BYU, and I feel a little sick to my stomach at how I wasted that opportunity.  I did not appreciate it for what it was.

Now I'm back in school, 7 years later, to finish what I started.  For the first time, I look forward to going to class.  I have not missed a class, and don't plan on missing one... I don't care if I'm spiking a fever of 103, I will be in class.  I feel a thirst for knowledge, a strong feeling of elation when I learn something new, and a distaste for the people around me bragging about getting drunk all weekend and making bad grades on the test because of it.  I want to scream at them, and shake them, and warn them about the consequences of not taking school seriously.

I am lucky to be able to go back to school and finish.  Most people don't have that chance once they get married and take on adult responsibilities.  I have vowed to myself that I will not only pass all of my classes, but I will make A's if I can.  So far, I have taken exams in 3 classes, and gotten a 92, 94, and 98 on these exams.  So far, so good.  I made a B on my first biology quiz and almost went into a depression... but I made up for it yesterday.  After acing 2 exams, I made a 100 on my 2nd biology quiz.  I feel amazing about my progress.

Meanwhile, work is busy.  If I'm not at school, I'm training clients until all hours of the evening.  I wake up at 4:30, and I don't usually get home until 7 or 8, which gives me about 30-60 minutes before I have to start getting ready for bed.  I'm exhausted, and I am stressed... but I will not fail.  I will do what I have to do, to get what I want.

I finally feel proud of myself.  I feel like I am doing something good... for ME... but also for my family.  I want to make sure that Jeff and I never have to ask for help, or take a handout.  In fact, I hope we are so well off we can help others.  I want to be financially independent, in case I ever need to be the sole provider.  Mostly, though, I want to reach my full potential.  For the first time in my life, I feel confident that I am intelligent... but more-so, I am becoming knowledgeable.  There is nothing more precious in life, than continuing to learn and grow... stagnation is death to my soul.

I guess the point of this post is to let you all know that right now, life may be hard, but it is a very big step for me in my own personal growth and development as a person.  I am stressed, and I am stretched thin, but ultimately I am satisfied with my choices at the moment.  I hope you all have the strength to chase what you want, and to go after it even if it's really difficult.  Hard work reaps big rewards.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011


school good. work busy. life kinda hard. no big news thank goodness. wrist is healing nicely. Big fires burning nearby.

I'm not getting much sleep, and I'm being a terrible friend as far as keeping up with my favorites. I can't help it. I barely have time to pee. Seriously... I'm learning bladder control like nobodies business. In good news, I'm walking so much at school my fitness level hasn't seemed to suffer. Other than the fact I can't use my wrist to work out.

I've been getting super busy with work. Even on my days off school, I am so busy it's a miracle I ever get any homework done.. which recently I have been slipping on. I'm starting to feel burned out and it's only the first month. I will get used to this. I have to.

I guess I just felt the need to say hi. I know almost no one reads this, but I figured... maybe someone out there cares. Who knows?

Hope you are all doing well.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

I thought I was going to die...

I had my wrist surgery 2 weeks ago. I was scared. I kept feeling like it might be my last. My sister's high school boyfriend died under anesthesia from a routine knee surgery. He died. I kept thinking about it over and over the days leading up to the surgery. I even left a little note for Jeff, "I Love You" I wrote it on the calendar for the day right after my surgery... just in case.

I got really nervous, and therefore didn't eat much the 2 days before my surgery. I also got "water stomach." This is relevant, I promise. So the day of surgery, Jeff drove me. He and I ended up waiting HOURS because my surgeon went over on the surgery before me, and then another surgeon using my operating room went late too. They put me on Verset or something like it, an amnesiac medicine that gives you that nice "I don't care" feeling. They had to give it to me twice because I was waiting so long and getting so anxious.

The last thing I remembered was being wheeled into the surgery room. Then I woke up, looked over and realized I was alive. I was very happy about this. According to Jeff, every few minutes I would ask him the same questions over and over again. I also drank a ton of water the first night, and ate nothing. I spent Saturday mostly in a drug-induced stupor. They put me on pain meds that made me dizzy and nauseous so I barely ate all day Saturday. I drank a ton, I was so thirsty.

By Sunday, I felt a little better, I kept feeling like I shouldn't take my pain meds, but I didn't want to feel the pain, so I took them anyway. I also had to take this awful anti-inflammatory medication that made me dizzy and hurt my stomach terribly. I ended up calling my client and cancelling. I couldn't drive with the room spinning. I decided to take my pain meds and go to sleep, but first I needed Jeff to help me clean my wound. He unwrapped my wrist, and I finally got to see the wound. He started dabbing my wrist with hydrogen peroxide, and suddenly I knew something was seriously wrong.

I started feeling really sick. I felt hot and cold, and far away. I knew I was about to pass out or throw up or something, and I told Jeff but he didn't really seem to take me seriously, so I crawled out of my chair and onto the floor, hoping to save myself from passing out. Apparently it didn't work. The next thing I knew I was in darkness, opening my eyes, and Jeff was holding my shoulders and screaming "BREATH!" in my face. It was terrifying, and yet I was incapable of doing anything to help myself. I looked at Jeff, he looked so scared, I have never seen that fear in his eyes before. I told him to call an ambulance. Something was seriously wrong with me. I felt far away and all I wanted to do was sleep but I was scared I wouldn't wake up. Jeff called and I heard him tell the 911 operator that I had a seizure, that I had stopped breathing. I kinda checked out and then the EMTs were around me. They asked a bunch of questions but I kept falling in and out of comprehension. Finally they got me in the Ambulance, and I can't even remember getting into a room. A few hours later I finally got my mental acuity back.

My Aunt Sherry came to be with me, and Jeff was there. The nurse told me I had really low levels of Potassium, Magnesium, and Salt. Basically because of the diet I had been on, the diarrhea, the lack of food for several days, and the excessive water drinking, I had thrown my electrolytes off and it had caused me to go into a critical state. Once they pumped me full of salt, potassium, and magnesium, I was coherent and fine. They also forced me to eat a sandwich, and I happily obliged.

I was really scared, guys. I really thought I might die when I woke up from that seizure. Now I have to go to a cardiologist to make sure it wasn't a heart thing, but I think I'm out of the woods for now. Just wanted to let you in on my story.