OK, I've avoided this subject... mostly because I feel incredibly conflicted on the subject matter, and I am tired of people telling me how to feel about the subject. So I'll introduce why the subject is even on my mind as of late, aside from the fact that I am a woman, and have been looking forward to having a baby someday since the day I held my first doll.
When Jeff and I got married almost 2 years ago, we planned on waiting at least 2 years to have babies. Well... it's been almost 2 years now, and it came time to discuss it. We do have a baby of sorts... Akira... who absolutely satisfies my inner mothering instincts most of the time. I love Akira, she brightens my day instantly the moment I see her adorable little face. I've taught her not to pee in corners anymore, and we play fetch together almost every single morning. She nuzzles me, has learned not to use her claws on me, and is a very sweet girl. She really has made my life better.
We also have our 2nd "baby". Our house. We've had it since last April, and are finally getting somewhere with it. We finally installed a working tub (whirlpool!!!) and all we have left to do in the master bath is tile the entire bathroom up to the ceiling, install shower doors, put the toilet it, paint the toilet room, and get sinks... ok it's still a lot... but the bathtub is in dang it and I'm happy about that. As for the rest of the house, we just ordered the cabinetry for our kitchen, and once that's in we will order the granite and kitchen sink. We also still need to buy stair railings and do some touch up painting, but things are moving along finally and I'm very pleased about this. Baby #2 is VERY stressful for me to think about, but it's amazing that I'm 23 years old and a home owner with my own business, which leads me to baby #3.
Baby #3 is my own personal training business. Since starting out on my own, I have been learning A LOT about business. I have to say it has not been nearly as easy as I thought, but I really didn't think about it.. I just DID it. And I really love my job. I love my clients, I love seeing them progress!!! I also love what it does for me. I get to choose my own hours, I get to choose who I work with, and I get to do what I love! I get to talk about fitness and health ALL DAY LONG and I'm constantly learning new things. It's a wonderful baby of mine.
BUT... these "babies" are still not what I've had on my mind constantly for the past few months. I have SO MANY pregnant, nursing, and toddler-bound friends... it's not even funny. 2 of my best friends are pregnant, and I will be an Aunt in August. Babies are coming at me from all sides, BABIES EVERYWHERE! And to be honest, I want one. I know, I KNOW what people are going to say about this. OH MY GOSH, Caitlin you are TOO YOUNG. Caitlin, do you realize what kind of responsibility financially and emotionally a child is? WAIT and have fun with your husband, enjoy life a little longer. As though bringing a child into this world will somehow ruin my life??? I'm not an idiot. I know it changes things. I know the toll a new baby takes on it's parents. I've seen it first hand, and I've babysat enough children to know it can be emotionally taxing. I realize that once you have this baby in your life, it grows and stays with you for 18+ years. I know it's expensive, and changes your social life, it takes time, money, blah blah blah. I get that. I KNOOOOOWWWWW.
And I am the last person who wants to admit that it's what I want to people. I just feel like people will continually tell me it's a bad idea. And I'm not saying I'm going to start trying to have kids tomorrow. This is just something on my mind, something I'm starting to think very seriously about. I know I have time... and I realize that Jeff might need more time to be ok with the idea. I just so envy my friends that get to hold thier sweet little babies, and feel an amazing love that I have yet to experience. I know how much I love my Akira, and I can't imagine the force of the love I will feel for my own flesh and blood some day.
I may be rambling, I just wanted to get my thoughts out today. I just wanted to say that I want my own child someday soon. I don't want to wait forever. I worry if I do, I won't be able to have kids... I just know some of the family genetics are against me, and if I wait too long I may never get what I want. So I'm hoping that in 2 years from now, I can grow my family, and it will be the happiest, most adorable family ever!
2 comments:
Forget what others think, only YOU know how you feel and if it's right for you!! I'm only 22 and I'm trying for #2 and people are always asking me "what's the rush." I tell them quite frankly that being a mother is what I want out of life more than anything and after having one baby- who wouldn't want more of that happiness in their life. They are a lot of work, but its so rewarding and the fact that you have a home and business too will just make your life so much better!
Can I just say that I LOVE your blog and you too! Your blog makes me happy, it's so funny and fresh. As for the baby thing, I can relate. Most of my friends are on their second or third baby and I'm just about to have my first. Also, the first year Jon and I were married we wanted to have a baby, but really felt like we were supposed to wait until the next summer to start trying. That was hard too especially because we had two nephews born last year. Anyway, now that I am pregnant it all seems to make sense in retrospect and the timing just feels right. You and Jeff know what's best for your little family and you will be a great Mom when the time comes!!!
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