Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Epiphany

Today I had an epiphany. Turns out, I've got to stop being so trusting of people. Yes, I thought I had moved past naive to jaded long ago... but it turns out, I'm just getting started on the path to jaded. Let's just say ever since I got home from Disneyland, reality has been slapping me repeatedly in the face.


I can't really get into specifics because I don't want to cause drama... the issue at hand is a delicate and incredibly frustrating one, and therefore, I decided not to broadcast my issues in blog form to the 3 people that actually read this... you never know who may accidentally stumble upon this blog post and then get all huffy.


I'm just tired of appeasing everyone. Today I realized I'm gonna do for me. I'm going to watch out for the big ME, MYSELF, and ME... Jeff and my cats.... and... ME. ME ME ME MEMEMEMEMEMEME. Sorry. Weird mood.


I'm not going to trust stupid "Doctors" who aren't really "doctors" with supplements that aren't FDA regulated, and I'm not going to trust my endocrinologist's nutrition advice after she tells me she eats 800 calories per day (because I'm more educated on this subject than her, believe it or not), and I'm not going to trust people with money and feel like I got slapped in the face next time I check my bank account records. I am not going to sit passively by while others try to tell me who to be, what to do, what to eat, what my oppinion is, or anything else. I'm done. I'm not going to FAKE agree with anyone anymore. I am finished with it. I'm not going to cancel plans for other people when they would not return the favor. I am not going to WASTE my time caring about people who care only about themselves. I am FINISHED hurting myself in the process, and I am FINISHED being a doormat for people.


May you all liberate yourselves from your place of servitude at the foot of other's doors! I'm serious. I feel better just knowing the place I've reached.


With that being said, I should tell you about my visit to the Endocrinologist. Basically here are the big facts:


1) I have PCOS, have had PCOS for a long time, and my ovaries look like they're wearing black pearl necklaces.


2) My doctor doesn't know why I have PCOS but suspects it may be adrenal or too high level of male hormones - so she did a blood test for male hormones today. Guess that would explain the giant beard I've been growing...


3) My doctor told me to get off all the adrenal and liver supplements, she said she has no clue what is in those supplements and she doesn't feel that I should be taking them especially when "prescribed" by a DO rather than an MD. I'm done with supplements..


4) My doctor won't prescribe anything to help me get my period back, she told me to come back in a month if there is no period, and to test for adrenal problems.


5) Basically the appointment was a big fat no help for the moment, and I have to learn to be patient and wait and see and to keep a basal temperature chart. Oh and she told me to lose 10 lbs. Awesome.


But it wasn't all bad. Afterward, I went and spent time with my awesome sister-in-law, Liz, and baby Adelaide. They cheered me up a lot. It's all going to be OK. I just need some stress relief. Real bad. In case you couldn't tell from my post.


3 comments:

JAG said...

Welcome to the PCOS club. :/
My doc prescribed me Metformin and it's worked really well. May be worth looking in to? Good luck babe!

Theron & Melissa said...

First of all, sorry for all the crap! I know how frustrating life can be and how people can be so manipulative. Humans are the worst species, PERIOD! Second, I think your doctor is an idiot. That may be mean but first of all a DO is the EXACT same thing as an MD with a slightly different degree. Infact they are generally more health concious. Second, It's stupid that she won't help you figure out how to help your situation quicker. And third, and mostly, you do NOT I repeat DO NOT need to lose another 10 lbs!! You are already stunning and super fit and eat super well and I think that might just be an immposibility for you body unless you put it through even more strenous effort. Idiot. There's my rant.
I love you!

caitlinhart said...

Thanks guys! Ali, My doctor refused to give me Metformin because she said I couldn't possibly have insulin resistance because I'm not overweight enough. I tried explaining that I have gained 15 lbs in the last 4 months, but this did not seem to phase her much. She's an idiot. I'm going to a new Endocrinologist next month.

Melissa, Thanks :). You did make me feel better. I actually agree with you on DO's being good doctors, but unfortunately after researching one of the supplements he gave me, I found that it can possibly create more of a problem than it can solve, so I feel like he was experimenting with my chemistry on a hunch... which is not cool at all. You are not supposed to take any kind of Adrenal Support EVER until you've got proof your adrenal system needs it. He also works for a pharmacy and I felt he was pushing drugs on me... natural or not.

Luckily I found Jillian Michael's book "Master Your Metabolism" to be a wealth of information on PCOS and the Endocrine system and I am going to try to manage things through dietary modifications until I see the new Dr. Thanks so much for your support :)