Monday, March 9, 2009

Day 3,653 of my captivity...

Dear Diary,

Day 3,653 of my captivity to this candida cleanse. It's been a rough voyage, but only 3,653 days to go. So far I've made it through the first half of my captivity without killing any innocent bystanders, however I came close to killing my roommate, a blond fellow with an obnoxious habit of eating things forbidden to me. The cravings have subsided somewhat, although I will admit while grocery shopping I almost ripped open and devoured a carton of cookie dough icecream that I had been staring at for who-knows-how-long until a kind grocery worker politely asked me to move along, I was scaring the other customers. I even managed to make it out of the store after being strip searched for sugary items. They didn't find anything... this time. I then returned home and was put on trash duty, having to haul heaping piles of disgusting filth to the dumpsters 5 miles away. After smelling all that garbage it was all I could do to get the disgusting green filth I have been forced to eat down my throat. I'm beginning to wonder if they're brainwashing me into actually liking this stuff. Yesterday I slept almost 18 hours. It's a mystery how I even made it through aerobics class this morning. I kept wanting to crawl under my aerobics step and take a nap, but the others were watching and I didn't dare. I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I only pray I can make it to the end of the cleanse without going into convulsions from my lack of nerds, skittles, and all things sugary and wonderful in this world. I'll admit, I almost slipped up a few days ago. The evil ones ordered pizza. Don't worry, I did not give in to temptation. I only ate the cheese and pepporoni on top, not the bread. May my will continue to stay strong.


PS: So I might have exaggerated a little... but you get the point

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